Limbo

What do I do with my life now?

I have returned after five months spent in San Francisco, and South East Asia. I feel as if I don't exactly fit here anymore. Here, in Northern Kentucky. Is this my home? By all literal terms, yes. But it doesn't feel like home...

Josh Warner told me that after a week of being home, I'd be ready to go on to the next thing.


It took about 36 hours.

Now comes the time in my life when I hang in limbo. Unsure of where to go next... I know I need to go to Ukraine. But what do I do before that time comes?


Re-Entry into the real-world is posing to be more difficult than I thought. Old temptations are knocking at my door. Laziness. Apathy. I don't want to lose sight of my calling.



I need to buy myself a planner and get my life organized.


Who wants to help me paint my room?

Busy, Busy Life...

Hello everyone,

I am sorry I haven't been able to write more... My life is busy, and I do not get very many chances to use the internet.

Life in Thailand has been great! I've done a lot of different ministries with the homeless, children in the slums, just hanging out, making friends, and eating dinner with them in their homes in the slums, campus ministry etc.

I have gotten to know many of the people here at Baan Jai Diaow, including a lot of Ram 2 student who are dorming here as well.

I have also established relationships with some of the young men working in Boy's Town, at Bunny Massage. This past Saturday was the last time I got to see them, since I will be busy until I leave Bangkok on Monday. :( It was hard to say goodbye, but I was able to pass on contact information to my friend Kashmera, who actually lives near the neighborhood and has been called to outreach to the boys selling their bodies in Bangkok. It is very encouraging to know that they will not be forgotten. :) They are sweethearts, and I love them very much...



As Christmas approaches, Baan Jai Diaow (our dormitory) becomes more and more lively and decorated. Apart from our fake christmas tree and christmas lights, we went to the slums today to chop down a bunch of bamboo reeds to line the poles, and flowers and vines to create a beautiful indoor Christmas jungle.It's even more special because Thailand doesn't really celebrate Christmas, it is basically only the Christians who do.

This morning we had a "white elephant" gift exchange with all of our Thai friends. It was really fun! I got a Hello Kitty alarm clock, which was perfect, since I have been needing a new one.

We have been shopping and decorating all day for our official Baan Jai Diaow Christmas party this evening. We have invited many of our friends from the slums, on campus, and I even invited some of the guys from Bunny Massage, but I'm not sure if they can get off work... :(


On Christmas, our DTS will be performing at an elementary school. I am very excited because we will be able to share the real story of Christmas to a bunch of Thai children who may have never heard it! (But Santa will also be there!)

From there we will be saying goodbye to our friends at Baan Jai Diaow (tear...), and heading out to a fancy team dinner (and gifts!), and then to a hotel for three days to debrief before leaving Thailand and going elsewhere.



The Christmas seasons hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it would being away from home. I do miss the snow, all the decorations, family and traditions, but I really consider where I am home, and who I am with my family. This is such a special time of year, and I am very excited to be able to spend it here, in the beautiful land of Thailand.


This is probably my last time I will be able to be on the internet until I return to San Francisco in late january. I will not have access to the internet for the next month. Please keep me and my team in your prayers. God is doing great things!



Have a very happy Christmas, and an incredibly beautiful New Year!
Hannah Elizabeth
1 John

Bangkok: "If it's not nice, it doesn't exist."

United Nations estimates that 60% of all males arriving at the Bangkok airport are here for the "sex industry".

Thai culture says, "if it's not nice, it doesn't exist." Therefore, prostitution doesn't exist. Therfore the government does not supply protection against sexually transmitted deseases. Therefore women (and men) don't protect themselves, because if a nice girl were caught with a condom in her purse, she would be a bad girl.

Because prostitution doesn't exist.


Prostitution is considered "a man's right" in Thailand. Women don't marry because Thai men are lazy, and violent. they are also unfaithful to their wives because of a very popular Thai saying: "What happens under the mosquito net, stays under the mosquito net." Meaning, a man NEVER shows his wife affection unless they are in their bed, under the mosquito net. And he would NEVER bring another woman under their mosquito net....

The flip side of that, however, is that a man can be with any woman outside of their mosquito net and not be unfaithful to his wife...

thair women are expected to provide "sexual favors" to their boss or important businessmen who are visiting the company. A woman's job depends on what she is willing to do.

"Drive-In Sex" via taxi is also very popular in Thailand. If someone (preferably a man) were to get in a taxi, the first the the driver says to him is, "Sex?" If he answer "yes", he will have a girl in the car within two minutes, then he will go to a place, sort of like a garage, and park the taxi, the man will pay the curtain boy to close the curtain on the garage, the man will then get what he wants, pay the girl, pay the taxi driver a standing fee, then pay the meter. The girl will get out, the man will go on his way, and then you whistle down the same taxi, get in and go to the airport.

It all happens under the curtain.


One prostitue, when asked if she feared for her life, responded with:
I long to die. If I was killed and went to Hell, it would be better than this."



You can't judge these girls. None of them want to be there. They were either tricked, trafficked, or their families demanded them to go work in the bars, in order to send money home to support their parents. A lot of these girls were abandoned by their husbands who decided that they were too old and had too many kids. He wanted someone younger. These girls have no where to go, and there is a family loyalty that is slightly disturbing... When it gets to the point of self-abuse to please your mother...


I'm not sure what you may do with this information, as I am not sure what I am going to do with it. I've visited some of these places, and also gone to some boy bars, and lady-boy bars, to talk to the men there... But PLEASE, pray for the nation of thailand!


"Don't violate your daughter by making her a whore—the whole country would soon become a brothel, filled with sordid sex. -Leviticus 19:29

The Thailand Sun and Breeze

As I exited the plane at the military airport in Utapau (due to the riots, were flew in to a naval base), I could immediately feel the stares from all the Thai people. We were white. We were from America. We were special.

Baggage claim was dirty and busy; so many people who had to change flight plans. We waited for quite some time before retrieving all our luggage. We walked outside, and I immediately felt like I was on the red carpet. A long walkway to the bus that would take us to the base. People on either side, needing a flight home, selling something, attacking us with, "Taxi! Taxi!", or people just there to stare. We shuffled through the crowd, and found three Thai guys who were driving us back to the Baan Jai Diaow (House of One Heart) base in three seperate vans.

As I finally took in more of my surroundings, I immediately thought of Ukraine, and was heart-sick for it. It smelt of petting zoo outside, in the thick, humid air. The grass was brown, and crunched beneath my feet. There were unique-looking tress all around. I'm not sure how else to describe Thailand, or what I saw of it that first night. It's very unique. Unique people. Unique cars. Unique buildings. If I tried to describe it to you, something entirely different would appear in your mind.


The next day, as I sat in the Thailand sun and breeze, sitting on the grass next to a pond on the university campus, I could not get Ukraine off my mind... So many things about this place reminds me of Ukraine. the tall, old, rustic buildings. The stone and cement walls lining the long, flat roads. the smells. the air. The old cars... These things make me heart-sick for Ukraine. I long to go back SO badly...

Yet at the same time, these similarities make me feel at home. At peace. I feel like I could sit by that pond and write forever in my loose-fitted shirt and flowing skirt, my hair loose and curling from the heat, bouncing around my shoulders and kissing my face with the help of the breeze.


I may not know exactly what is to become of my life, but this place is so easly to love, and it has made at least one thing certain to me:


I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Ukraine.

Letters From The TL: No Limits.

Why do we limit ourselves to doing everything everyone else always does?

As my life here in the Tenderloin comes to a close, and my departure date for Thailand grows ever more near, the more and more I realize that I don't want to live an ordinary life.

I don't want the nine to five job, that I probably hate. I don't want the degree that I never use. I don't want the typical house in the typical suburban neighborhood where all the houses look the same. I don't want to wake up every day wondering if I could be somewhere else, doing something incredible.

I want my job to be a lifestyle. I want my career to be people. I want my home to be wherever God puts me to help people in need. I want to wake up every day KNOWING that I am where I am supposed to be, doing something incredible.

I want to travel. I want to love. I want to share Jesus. I want to take risks. I want to do the unordinary. I want to raise eyebrows and frustrate the norm. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to see adventure and take life-threatening chances. I want to follow the voice of God, no matter what everyone else says. I don't want to worry about what everyone else is doing.


I want everyday to be another new adventure.


Do no limit yourselves!


I cannot seem to stress that enough! Don't be afraid! Don't think that your dream is unreachable! YOU ARE A WORLD-CHANGER. All you have to do is believe. Don't let anyone bring you down or tell you that you can't do something. Because you can. You just have to believe that God has something incredible in mind for your life. Something so much better than anything you could ever imagine.

All you have to do is listen. Stop thinking so hard and so much. Stop analyzing. Stop trying to figure things out on your own with your puny little human brain!


STOP PUTTING GOD IN A BOX!


Sometimes God doesn't make sense. Sometimes He will ask you to do things you don't understand. Sometimes you will have to stretch yourself, break your prejudice, and your pride to grow closer to Him. Sometimes you'll have to change your beliefs or your silly human "system" of living. Sometimes things won't be planned.


not everything can be written on a schedule, limited to a date and time.


LIVE LIFE! Forget schedules and appointments. Start today, and make your dream come true. No matter what it is. It's not impossible! I'm not just some strung-up girl, high on emotion.
GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE. An incredible one. the best one.



Don't settle for second best. Don't be the average. Go against the statistics!




BE A WORLD CHANGER!

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future."
-Proverbs 31:25

Letters From The TL: Thoughts, Oppression, and Jesus

Sorry I haven't written in a while. To be honest, I haven't really felt like it.

There's a lot of oppression here. And it is very easy to get discouraged if you're not careful, and constantly in the word, or listening to Jesus.

Dehydration, and physical and emotional exhaustion are common among students here. Every time we walk out our door we encounter the sadness of the world. Satan's joys.



*On average, there are 17 arrests in my neighborhood per day. Most to all are drug related.

*The police in the Tenderloin District operate in (I believe) 10 different languages.

*Most of the people on the streets are physically or mentally ill, thrown out on the streets by the government, because they were too poor to pay for professional care.

*My neighborhood constantly smells of marijuana, piss, and body odor. No one has anywhere to use the bathroom, or to properly clean themselves.

*If you walk anywhere, for about two blocks, you will see on average, about 8 drug deals in that short walk.

*Fights break out constantly.

*People are snorting, smoking, shooting or whatever everywhere you look.

*People are falling apart, dirty and lonely.

*There are crack pigeons on our street due to the amount of crack that falls on the sidewalk. The pigeons eat it, thinking it's seed, then become addicted. These crack pigeons are greasy, and fidgety, with bulging eyes and scary personalities.



Sometimes I feel completely hopeless. I feel like I am but one drop in this entire ocean. Is what I'm doing making a difference? Is the simple task of going out onto the streets with my djembe, and singing worship music doing any good work? Am I loving these people with all that is in me? Does God hear the cries of the Tenderloin?



This past weekend I stayed at my aunt and uncle's house in Oakland. The students were given a break, and were able to either go home, or just have a restful weekend to recharge.
Jeremy came to visit, which was such an incredible blessing for me. It was so nice to show him around my neighborhood, and just chill in San Francisco. Take it easy. Laugh. Joke. And talk with my very best friend.

After he left, I went back to my aunt and uncle's house. I felt sick to my stomach, and I couldn't stop crying. I felt alone and helpless. I didn't know if I was really supposed to be here. Or if this was really where God wanted me.

You know that sick feeling you get in your chest that won't go away? That's what I had.



But I took the BART ride back to base, where I was told a few people were coming to pick me up. I felt alone. Sad. Helpless.

When I got off the BART and headed outside, I looked up at the escalator. There were Roman, Carrianne, and Sierra.

"HANNAH!!!" Roman yelled as he ran down, and enveloped me in a huge hug.
"Everyone's been waiting for you!" Sierra said.


I hugged them all, and thanked Jesus for the people He has placed in my life. And as we were walking back to the base, arm-in-arm, I realized that I am exactly where God wants me, and no matter what I face, or how I feel, that He is always there, leading the way.



I went back to my home in the TL, I said hello to my street friends, who protect me from the dangers of this neighborhood. I thanked God he placed me here.



THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT.
BRINGING HOPE TO THE HOPELESS.
GIVING OF YOURSELF FOR THE KINGDOM OF GOD.
GOING INTO THE DARK PLACES AND LOVING THE PEOPLE.

IT'S A LIFESTYLE, NOT A PROFESSION.

Letters from the TL: A Hedge of Protection

Living in the Tenderloin is not only a crazy experience, but it is very much a blessing. Contrary to popular belief, tragedies are very rare in the homeless district; apart from the self-inflicted pain and anguish my neighbors and friends put themselves through. I am in no way disregarding the fact that terrible, terrible things happen in the TL, but most of the homeless protect us (especially us girls), because they are aware of the things that go on in this part of town and find it their responsibility to watch out for us.

However, a few days ago, Satan proved that he is fighting against us in this place.

Tuesday night, as my roommates and I were getting into bed, I had a horrible feeling. It was one of those feelings that surrounds your entire being, captivates your thoughts and messes with your emotions. Apparently I wasn’t the only one in the room who had felt that way. The other girls were uneasy about something as well. Jordyn suggested that we pray together as a room before going to bed. So for about 20 minutes, we took turns praying. We prayed for a hedge of protection around our building and base, and for angels to surround us that night. Carrianne prayed that God would stick our building in a huge bubble. ☺ Afterward, we said our goodnights and fell asleep.

The next morning, as we were coming down for breakfast, everyone’s talking about a crime scene right outside our door. I inquire more. Chris, the cook on staff told me we had to get to the classroom next door through the back because the police have the front of our two buildings taped off. He said word on the street (literally, the street. This is the TL) is that it was a stabbing, but no on knew for sure, and the CIA wouldn’t tell us anything.

Well, after breakfast and work duties, we had worship in the next building downstairs, so we had to go through the back. After worship, Ben, our leader, sat down with us and explained what had happened. A man was indeed stabbed right on our doorstep at about 3 O’clock in the morning. The man who was stabbed passed away, and they would not release his name to us, so we had no clue if we had known him or not. There was also blood red graffiti on our garage door. Which is weird because everyone in the TL really respects the YWAM buildings.

The girls and I were dumbfounded. Stabbings are not a regular occurrence in the TL, and the graffiti was just surprising. We also found out that other people had prayed for the same thing last night, having the same horrible feeling inside. It’s just odd how we got those feelings last night, and then wake up to a crime scene on our doorstep.



Satan is angry, and he is trying to get our attention.




But he has no place here, or with these people. And I’m pretty sure we’ve already proved that God will protect us.


Love All, Serve All, Laugh continuously,
Hannah Elizabeth.