Letters From The TL: Thoughts, Oppression, and Jesus

Sorry I haven't written in a while. To be honest, I haven't really felt like it.

There's a lot of oppression here. And it is very easy to get discouraged if you're not careful, and constantly in the word, or listening to Jesus.

Dehydration, and physical and emotional exhaustion are common among students here. Every time we walk out our door we encounter the sadness of the world. Satan's joys.



*On average, there are 17 arrests in my neighborhood per day. Most to all are drug related.

*The police in the Tenderloin District operate in (I believe) 10 different languages.

*Most of the people on the streets are physically or mentally ill, thrown out on the streets by the government, because they were too poor to pay for professional care.

*My neighborhood constantly smells of marijuana, piss, and body odor. No one has anywhere to use the bathroom, or to properly clean themselves.

*If you walk anywhere, for about two blocks, you will see on average, about 8 drug deals in that short walk.

*Fights break out constantly.

*People are snorting, smoking, shooting or whatever everywhere you look.

*People are falling apart, dirty and lonely.

*There are crack pigeons on our street due to the amount of crack that falls on the sidewalk. The pigeons eat it, thinking it's seed, then become addicted. These crack pigeons are greasy, and fidgety, with bulging eyes and scary personalities.



Sometimes I feel completely hopeless. I feel like I am but one drop in this entire ocean. Is what I'm doing making a difference? Is the simple task of going out onto the streets with my djembe, and singing worship music doing any good work? Am I loving these people with all that is in me? Does God hear the cries of the Tenderloin?



This past weekend I stayed at my aunt and uncle's house in Oakland. The students were given a break, and were able to either go home, or just have a restful weekend to recharge.
Jeremy came to visit, which was such an incredible blessing for me. It was so nice to show him around my neighborhood, and just chill in San Francisco. Take it easy. Laugh. Joke. And talk with my very best friend.

After he left, I went back to my aunt and uncle's house. I felt sick to my stomach, and I couldn't stop crying. I felt alone and helpless. I didn't know if I was really supposed to be here. Or if this was really where God wanted me.

You know that sick feeling you get in your chest that won't go away? That's what I had.



But I took the BART ride back to base, where I was told a few people were coming to pick me up. I felt alone. Sad. Helpless.

When I got off the BART and headed outside, I looked up at the escalator. There were Roman, Carrianne, and Sierra.

"HANNAH!!!" Roman yelled as he ran down, and enveloped me in a huge hug.
"Everyone's been waiting for you!" Sierra said.


I hugged them all, and thanked Jesus for the people He has placed in my life. And as we were walking back to the base, arm-in-arm, I realized that I am exactly where God wants me, and no matter what I face, or how I feel, that He is always there, leading the way.



I went back to my home in the TL, I said hello to my street friends, who protect me from the dangers of this neighborhood. I thanked God he placed me here.



THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT.
BRINGING HOPE TO THE HOPELESS.
GIVING OF YOURSELF FOR THE KINGDOM OF GOD.
GOING INTO THE DARK PLACES AND LOVING THE PEOPLE.

IT'S A LIFESTYLE, NOT A PROFESSION.

Letters from the TL: A Hedge of Protection

Living in the Tenderloin is not only a crazy experience, but it is very much a blessing. Contrary to popular belief, tragedies are very rare in the homeless district; apart from the self-inflicted pain and anguish my neighbors and friends put themselves through. I am in no way disregarding the fact that terrible, terrible things happen in the TL, but most of the homeless protect us (especially us girls), because they are aware of the things that go on in this part of town and find it their responsibility to watch out for us.

However, a few days ago, Satan proved that he is fighting against us in this place.

Tuesday night, as my roommates and I were getting into bed, I had a horrible feeling. It was one of those feelings that surrounds your entire being, captivates your thoughts and messes with your emotions. Apparently I wasn’t the only one in the room who had felt that way. The other girls were uneasy about something as well. Jordyn suggested that we pray together as a room before going to bed. So for about 20 minutes, we took turns praying. We prayed for a hedge of protection around our building and base, and for angels to surround us that night. Carrianne prayed that God would stick our building in a huge bubble. ☺ Afterward, we said our goodnights and fell asleep.

The next morning, as we were coming down for breakfast, everyone’s talking about a crime scene right outside our door. I inquire more. Chris, the cook on staff told me we had to get to the classroom next door through the back because the police have the front of our two buildings taped off. He said word on the street (literally, the street. This is the TL) is that it was a stabbing, but no on knew for sure, and the CIA wouldn’t tell us anything.

Well, after breakfast and work duties, we had worship in the next building downstairs, so we had to go through the back. After worship, Ben, our leader, sat down with us and explained what had happened. A man was indeed stabbed right on our doorstep at about 3 O’clock in the morning. The man who was stabbed passed away, and they would not release his name to us, so we had no clue if we had known him or not. There was also blood red graffiti on our garage door. Which is weird because everyone in the TL really respects the YWAM buildings.

The girls and I were dumbfounded. Stabbings are not a regular occurrence in the TL, and the graffiti was just surprising. We also found out that other people had prayed for the same thing last night, having the same horrible feeling inside. It’s just odd how we got those feelings last night, and then wake up to a crime scene on our doorstep.



Satan is angry, and he is trying to get our attention.




But he has no place here, or with these people. And I’m pretty sure we’ve already proved that God will protect us.


Love All, Serve All, Laugh continuously,
Hannah Elizabeth.

A Tale of Two Worlds.

The city life is incredible. One minute I'll be in Starbucks with some of my friends, then the next minute we'll be sitting on the side of the road giving a homeless friend of ours coffee and something to eat. Having The Office marathons with some of my GREATEST friends! Running to Cold Stone for free (haha... whatever) ice cream. Pizza nights in the apartment etc.

But then there's everything else. Getting up early, going to class, devouring delicious chunks of spiritual goodness that our lecturers feed us every time they open their mouths to speak. Living within a community, where every SINGLE person is completely different yet absolutely beautiful. Walking out onto the streets of our neighborhood and running into Meth addicts, alcoholics and the such. Then walking five minutes up the road to Union Square, where you are surrounded by people with huge shopping bags, snooty business men in their fancy suits, shined shoes, talking on their cell phones, and the three story Macy's, with it's three story-high banner "Celebrating 150 years of 'oohs' and 'ahhs'." Puke.

I love it here. My heart aches for this city. I've been spending a lot of my time with my homeless neighbors, getting to know them, and I realized something. They are alone. Completely alone. No one to care for or help them. And here they stay, living life from day to day, bottle to bottle, hit to hit. A lot of people look down on the homeless. Call them lazy, worthless, selfish. To be honest, these are some of the sweetest people I have ever met and they are NOT here just because they are lazy. Yes, there are the few who are here because they DON'T want to work, and they just want to chill, but that is such a small percentage it doesn't even count. So many of these people are out here because they fought in the Vietnam war, and due to the horrible things they had seen they went crazy, got depressed, then started drinking or doing crack. There are many who are physically or mentally challenged, alone, abandoned, and helpless. There are some "street kids", who are now in their 50s, who were abandoned by their parents when they were younger, and got addicted to heroine or crack early on; sometimes in their early teens. And now they're here, on the streets, abandoned by their families who don't want anything to do with them, handed money by the state that they use to buy more drugs rather than to get help. They may have every intention of getting help but when you're so addicted to drugs there is really nothing you can do.

My heart hurts for these beautiful people... So many of them LOVE Jesus but they have no one to keep them accountable. And if they stopped drugs or alcohol cold-turkey they would most definitely die. Their bodies are so dependent on those things that they would go into convulsions and die. Every time I walk out of my door I want to cry... But then Joe-Moe walks up to me and yells, "Pretty feet! Pretty feet!" or I run into Wallis and have a good conversation about God and space aliens, or Jeff finds me and introduces me and Erica as "the two angels God sent him", and I get this smile in my heart that won't go away.

Then I walk to Union Square with Manny and Hannah and play guitar and sing while sitting on the ground, getting snotty looks from shoppers and stuck-up businessmen. And I realize something...


I live in between two different worlds. One filled with people in desperate need. Spiritual, physical and mental needs. Addicted and alone. Aching yet searching for light. Then the other. Packaged all pretty on the outside. Seeming together, well off and with it. But inside aching in the same way. Addicted. Maybe not to drugs or alcohol, but to materialism. Things. Stuff. They are posers. Pretending to be something their not. Spending money they probably do not have. Looking down on those who have less than them and filling a void with things. Worthless things. A shopping spree at Macy's because they feel like it.

And I hurt. I want to love. Love these people. Care for these people. Bring Christ to dark places...

Jesus us doing a work in me and around me and I am excited.

Letters from the TL: Orientation Week

Hello everyone! So far, orientation week has been a blast. It keeps you very busy, but it’s incredibly fun. Basically, orientation is dedicated to getting acquainted to the city, surroundings, schedule, and each other.

Our 16 students bonded instantly. We became a little family nearly the first day. What is very comforting about this place is that everyone is so real; I’ve never experienced the love and transparency that I see with my fellow DTS students and staff. There are no secrets and no lies.

During orientation week, we participate in “Student Intros”, more formally known as “testimonies” or “life-stories”. This is where each student takes a turn sharing where they have been and how they got to where they are today. We all express ourselves and retell our darkest moments, roughest times, deepest seeded sins and of course, the strength of Jesus and how He went about pulling us out of darkness.

A lot of us are still working on issues and that is a lot of the reason we came to DTS. For me, it’s a transition, and I am here so God can finish the work he began in me. So that he can mold me into the woman he wants me to become, and to spread the beautiful gospel of Jesus Christ who saved me from who I was.

The point is, everyone here is open, honest and transparent. There are no “christian-y” walls put up. No fake smiles. No stories with gory details left out. Everyone comes here and says exactly who they are. We make ourselves open wounds to the people around us, and instead of being poked and prodded or talked about, we are loved, dressed and bandaged. I have never experienced a group of people so honest and transparent as my DTS students. No group so loving and accepting of who you are. No one has to be ashamed of what they have done, or are doing, or who they have been, or even who they are now.

I am in LOVE with my new family. We have an incredible bond that I wish more churches and people could experience. The love, the care, the transparency. And only after five days. No one talks about anyone. There is no such thing as gossip here. There is no such thing as cliques or social groups. We are one body and we love each other, and we love the lost, and we love our God.
Spiritual warfare is rampant here. There is a darkness that falls over this place like a cloud of smoke. We focus on prayer and meditating on scripture to keep ours spirits up and prepared for anything. Living in the homeless district is very wonderful but also very, very melancholy. Drug deals are made right outside of my window, along with fights. People snort, smoke and drink everywhere you look, women are abused, and everyone who cannot fit in the shelter sleep on the streets. It breaks my heart.

I have become friends with a few of my neighbors and they are very sweet people. They have all sort of become this protective family. They feel as if it is their job to protect us, since we are living in a very dangerous place. Men step in and break up fights so some of us girls can walk through safely, and one man, my friend Joe-Moe, stands on the edge of the street and stretches out his arms, saying, “Pretty feet, pretty feet! Stay away from the streets! Pretty feet pretty feet we don’t want you harmed!” as my friends and I walk by.

I am kept very busy here, especially since it is orientation. I apologize to anyone who I have not contacted personally. I don’t have a lot of time and it is very important that I do not get distracted from what I am doing or why I am here. I love you all very much and miss you terribly, but God is doing a lot here and He has placed me here for a reason and I need to focus on that and that alone.

I am doing well.

God bless and I love you all VERY much!

Hannah Elizabeth

Letters from the TL: Hello Kentucky!

Hello everyone! As you hopefully know, I’ve been in San Francisco since Saturday. Though I have only been at the YWAM base since Monday afternoon. My time here so far has been absolutely amazing. I live in the TL (Tenderloin), on Ellis Street, in the midst of a massive homeless community. There are hundreds of homeless men and women who wander my streets 24 hours a day. There is a church ministry right across the street that takes people in every night. It is actually the one Will Smith stays at for several nights in the movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness”.
I am living in a small apartment on base with five other girls. They are fabulous!
First, there is Ramona. Ramona is our Swiss girl. She is 20 years old. Born and raised in Switzerland, she is tall and precious and has a fabulous accent. She speaks German and brought us a bunch of Swiss chocolate (!!!).
Erica is next. She is 18 years old. Erica is half Italian, tall, dark and gorgeous. She’s super outgoing, trendy and loving. Her bed sheets are pink and she gave Jeremy the nickname of “GQ” because she says he looks like a model. Erica hails from Seattle, Washington.
Carrianne is 20 years old. She’s short with dyed black hair and pale skin. Adorable freckles. You can hear Carrianne’s laugh from miles away; she snorts then gives out huge bursts of laughter altogether. She’s hardcore into Hannah Montana and Zebras. Carrianne is from San Jose.
Sierra is tall, 18, and loud. Darkish brown curly hair. Very outgoing. Vegetarian. She’s super cute, talks a lot and loves her dog. Very sweet. Sierra came to us from SoCal.
Jordyan is our baby and our country girl. Coming in at 17 years old, she is YWAM SF’s youngest student. Jordyan lives on a mountain in California. She wears no makeup and dresses slightly grunge, with huge, tie-dye hippie shirts, massive sweaters and plaid pants. Absolutely unique. She talks like Rebecca Crone.

We have 16 students total: several from California, one from Ohio, two from Washington, one from Canada, one from India, two from Switzerland, and one (of course) from Kentucky. We are all very different from each other and incredibly unique. We all come from different places and different backgrounds but we’re all coming together for one purpose. And that is to spread God’s word in the streets of San Francisco, and then overseas in SE Asia.

This entire first week is orientation so we’re all just getting to know each other, and the staff, and the new world around us. Getting accustomed to the city-life is not that difficult, and all our homeless friends and neighbors are more than happy to help if we have a question. Our storefront is open to the public from 9am to 5pm Monday thru Friday. There’s water, ping-pong, books, couches and chairs, and a piano that all our neighborhood friends are more than welcome to use while the storefront is open. This gives us all a chance to interact with people, make friends, and evangelize.

I am very excited for what God has in store for DTS 2008 and beyond. I miss you all and will update you often. I am very busy so I am sorry if I cannot keep in touch as well as I would have liked.


I love you all!

Love all, Serve all.
LoveLoveLove.

Geetanjali

"Geetanjali" is a book by a Bengali (east indian) poet/artist called Rabindranath Tagore. "Geet" means song, and "Anjali" means divine offering. So they are songs sung for God... In a way.

Here are songs I want to sing to God!

"When thou commandest me to sing it seems that my heart would break with pride;

And I look to Thy face, and tears come to my eyes.

All that is harsh and dissonant in my life melts into one sweet harmony---

and my adoration spreads wings like a glad bird on its flight across the sea.

I know Thou takest pleasure in my singing.

I know that only as a singer I come before Thy presence.

I touch by the edge of the far-spreading wing of my song Thy feet which I could never aspire to reach.

Drunk with the joy of singing I forget myself and call Thee friend who art my Lord."

This second one I especially like. It was written during India's freedom struggle against the British Raaj (raaj means rule).

"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high

Where knowledge is free

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments

By narrow domestic walls

Where words come out from the depth of truth

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way

Into the dreary desert sad of dead habit

Where the mind is led forward by Thee

Into ever-widening thought and action

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."

Please, sing today. "Let my country awake"!

"Love, luck, light

Laughs, 'life' and lollipops." -Preeti Shastri

Hello

Hello nameless nothingness.

This blog is for my thoughts, my ideas, my experiences, my ramblings, my beliefs etc. Enjoy it, or ignore it, but do not live by it.

I'll post whenever I get the chance, or whenever I have something to say. Odds are I will be forever speaking to emptiness, but that is ok with me. "Blogging is not about being read, it is about being written."

May this liquid sunshine fall on you always.